My greatest strength is also my greatest weakness. And maybe that is something that I need to face and realize that it is a life lesson from God. I have the ability to see the absolute worst-case scenario in almost every situation. I get panic attacks and anxiety all the time because my imagination runs wild with every horrible scenario that could possibly happen to me and the people that I love. At the same time, that same imagination lets me see the world far beyond just the physical nature that is before me and understand that with God all is possible.
For example, for the next few months, the United States is going through an election. If there is a worst-case scenario, a dictator will be elected to office and our democracy will crumble. Life as we know it will change completely. He will put innocent people into interment camps. He will imprison or even kill his political enemies. He economic plans will cause a huge depression in the economy, and everyone will suffer from extreme inflation and poverty. The worst part is it won’t just be here in the United States. Russia will overtake Ukraine. Israel will continue to cause problems in the middle east. South Korea will continue to build its nuclear arsenal. China’s policies will go unchecked. Dictatorships will rise and economic depression will sweep the globe. At home, all my plans with my husband will fall apart. I don’t know what will happen to us. It is even possible that there will be a civil war in the United States. During the last Civil War, people lost everything. That could happen again. During the reign of Hitler, he tried to kill all the Jews. This time, all the people who don’t have white skin could be killed. It is the worst-case scenario.
At the same time, I need to believe that God hasn’t abandoned me. I have led a blessed life, and I believe that Him will continue to watch over me somehow. I have found some amazing lessons about life during the last few years that have completely changed me and my understanding of God. The biggest one is that God simply is. He is the one that created us. No matter what religion, race, nationality, or belief, it does change God. Those value judgements change the person and how they see God. Yet God simple exists. He has always been there, He is here now, and He will always be here. There’s something amazingly comforting to me about that. I have come to understand that God sees the me, the world, and even the universe in a much different way that I do. He doesn’t see time, space, or value. He doesn’t need to separate and categorize things. He can see everything all at once. He can see all time at the same time. I can’t understand it, but I can believe it. And every once in a while, I catch myself being able to get a glimpse of it. I realized that life started a long time ago, it has continued, and it will continue long after I am dead. Yet, I am a part of that life and that’s makes me meaningful and eternal no matter what happens after I die. I understand God’s grace and that He created me perfectly imperfect and that even if the story of Jesus isn’t historically accurate, God did die for my sins so that I could be saved somehow. He is always letting me and everyone else know that He is here, and He will do anything for us, we just need to surrender to Him. Finally, I believe that if God wants anything at all from me, He wants me to follow the two greatest commandments. First, to keep Him first above all others. He is the only force that has power in my life. Second, to love others as I would myself. That one is loaded with information. Because it means that I have to see how God loves me and then love myself that way. Once I learn to love myself that way, I need to see God in others and love them with respect, understanding, and patience, even when I don’t get the same back because I understand how difficult I am to love and I understand how patience God is with me.
On one end of the spectrum, I can see terrible death and destruction, losing everything, and being filled with fear and yet on the other end, I can see so much love and hope, knowing that miracles are present in life. God knows it too. He has witnesses more than I have the atrocities of evil men and the miracles of love of the faithful. Somehow it all fits into His plan. So, I pray today and will continue to pray every day for the next few months, for God to give me peace, to have mercy on us all, and to guide me during these dark days. I pray that I can continue to have faith in God’s plan for me whatever that might be.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.