I sent out some more of my stories this past Sunday and I got another rejection just today. I know what I am supposed to feel, but I’m not sure that is what I am feeling. I think it is partly due to my OCD and partly due to my alien nature.
So, here’s what I think I am supposed to feel: I think all writers get rejections for their writing, it is just a part of the profession. I also think that everyone feels disappointed when they get a rejection at least a little bit. Then, they have to pick themselves up and then keep trying again. They have to have the self-confidence to believe that someone will eventually want to publish their work.
For me, it isn’t like that. First, on the OCD front. Everyone has these rules for how they want pieces to be submitted and everyone has different rules. More than that, it seems like every time I go to submit something the formats and everything else have changed. So, I never know what I am supposed to be doing. In my OCD brain, my first thought is I don’t know how to play the game yet. I don’t know how to format my stuff correctly and that’s why I am getting rejected. However, I don’t know if that is true.
Second, the alien brain comes into play. Yes, I would really love to be published, but for a publication to read my work and accept it would mean that they accept my work. I don’t really know if anyone will accept my work. I’ve had lots of people tell me that I’m talented, but I also know that I don’t think like everyone else does. It is going to take a lot to get anyone to take a chance on someone weird like me. So, I guess I am sort of expecting the rejection notice. It really isn’t a disappointment at all; it reinforces what I already know. When I get that acceptance notice, then I’ll be surprised.
I’ve never approached life like everyone else. I don’t want to do what society says I should do or what everyone else is doing. I want to do what is deep inside of me. I want to follow the part of me that come from the same part as my faith.
I look back on my life and I realize that I had this horrible family with a mother who tried to break my spirit, but I survived it because I have always remained true to my faith. Now, in my accounting career and in my writing career, I have to do the same.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
