I went to visit my aunt today. I was scared to go visit her because I didn’t have anything I wanted to talk to her about. I have never been good at talking to people. However, when I went, I found that not only did she want to talk to me, but she also wanted to keep me there for over an hour and talk to me for as long as possible. I have begun to realize that my talent with people is that I don’t talk very well at all, but I do listen to people.
My husband has a theory. He thinks that in the modern world some people are so self-centered that when they have conversations with people, they don’t listen to what the other person is saying, they just wait for their turn to talk. For me, I value what other people say. For me, being able to listen felt like a survival tool. It wasn’t just what they said, but how they said it. My mom and dad could say the exact same words to me, but they would feel completely different depending on how they said them. I knew when I was safe and when I needed to back away by listening to them. So, now whenever I encounter anyone, I want to listen to everything they say because I know that what we say and how we say it means everything.
Last night, I had this feeling that I get often. I feel like a spirit trapped inside a physical body. It is this horrible feeling of claustrophobia because I literally feel trapped inside of my own body and there’s nothing I can do about it. I feel this way at least two or three times a month lately. I think it’s because maybe it’s true. I am a spirit stuck inside a body. Maybe we all are. And maybe we only get released when we die. I have figured out whenever I feel claustrophobic that way, the thing that makes me feel better is the people I love. A feeling of connection to the other people on the earth.
My husband sometimes thinks all this metaphysical philosophizing doesn’t really make any difference in our everyday lives. I believe it does. When I find myself in a world that seems so dark and grim, just looking into the eyes of another human being gives me hope. There’s something there. I think that’s why I listen. If God is the one true thing that I know, then when I look around the world and I see other people, if I just listen and look inside of their hearts, then I will see the light of God and the miracle of life. No matter how horrible people are or what evil is in this world, I will always be able to have hope if I can see the light of God in others.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
