I am having a difficult day. My dogs got dirty with mud in the rain. I have a migraine headache, and the power went out at my house for a couple of hours. There came a point in that time that I just wanted to lose it. Things felt overwhelming. It happens to me because of my OCD and anxiety.
I am finding though that ever since I stopped taking medication for my panic attacks, when I feel overwhelmed, I feel like I just need to take a step back and let myself feel whatever feelings I am feeling in that moment. If I am feeling sad or angry or fear or whatever it is, I just step back and let myself feel whatever feeling it is. And then, I can move on.
I think about how my parents were. They never wanted me to feel anything. They got mad whenever I felt any feelings. I got to the point where I was afraid to show any emotions and even today my emotional expression is muted because of their influence. However, I realize that if you hold everything inside, it gets to feel quite horrible. I look at the way that my mom was. She must have felt so bad inside to be so manipulative and controlling and yet, she never did find a way to feel better about herself. And as much as I love my dad and see the beauty of who he was, I also know that he never found a way to express himself or his emotions. I’m feel bad that they never found peace with themselves. And I hope that I do have peace and acceptance in who I am. I may not be a perfect person, but I believe that I am exactly the person that God made me to be and that’s enough.
So, when life feels overwhelming and like it is too much. It isn’t a sign that I can’t. Instead I’ve learned that it’s a sign that I need to stop rushing through life and stop rushing past life. When I feel overwhelmed, God’s telling me to take a minute and stop, listen to what life is telling me. Feel my body. Feel the earth below my feet. Know myself. Be still and know God.
It won’t make everything better, but if I let myself feel my life then it won’t be overwhelming either.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.