Today, I had a ladybug attack. I know that seems silly, but with my OCD any encounter with any type of insect can cause me to obsessive thoughts for hours. This incident wasn’t an exception. I had a ladybug fly on my computer screen. I tried to grab it to take it outside, but then I couldn’t find it. I tried to go back to work, but I literally couldn’t stop thinking about it.
I stopped work and started to search for it and found it on my desk. I once again tried to get it, but it disappeared on me again. This time I went and got a flashlight to search for it. Instead of finding the ladybug, I found an old bug carcass. It sent shivers up my spine and I wanted to run away. I started to search the house for something to cover it with. However, it was in a small corner. I eventually moved my trashcan so that I couldn’t see it. Then, I tried to go back to work.
For the next half hour, I thought about bugs. My work was engaging today so after a while, I started to think about it and I forgot about the insects. Today was a good day. On a bad day, I would sit there jumping every few minutes like someone is shocking me with an electric shock because I am imagining something crawling on me.
On days like these, having OCD requires faith. I can either let those thoughts overwhelm me and keep me from being able to live or I can believe that God is more powerful than those thoughts. Even if I can’t stop thinking about it, knowing God is with me through it is enough to help me get through it. I know I am not alone and I know it won’t last forever. That’s enough.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
