Several years ago, I found out that I suffered from anxiety and then I learned that I had OCD. Both of these diagnoses really weren’t that bad. I already knew that I was living with anxiety and OCD, the diagnosis just gave it a name. The name gave me power. Power to understand that whatever my body was going through it was simply a physical reaction to stimulus in my environment. I know that may not seem like a lot, but it really is a huge amount of power.
When I have an obsession or compulsion, it can feel like that OCD symptom has more power over my life than I do. When I have a panic attack, it can feel like I am going to die from than panic attack and it becomes the most important thing in my life at that moment in time. However, when I understand that these things are just part of a physical disorder and that I won’t die from them, then I can know that they don’t have the power in my life, God does. When these disorders feel overwhelming, I know that I can turn to God and it might be difficult and painful, but I can have faith that He will give me the strength to get through it.
In the last few years, I have learned that I have mild dyslexia. My brain doesn’t work the way I thought it did. Once again, I don’t really mind because instead of feeling like there’s a problem, I feel like I have more understanding about myself. All my life, I have loved reading and writing, but I could never understand why I had such a difficult time reading. Now, I finally understand what is going through my brain when I read and why it is such a struggle. I don’t feel like there’s something wrong with my brain. I just process things differently. My past proves that it isn’t going to stop me from achieving anything I want. I can do so much and now I know about this disorder so I can actually do more to help myself.
My difficulty today is that I have come across another situation. I might be mildly autistic. I don’t think it would be that bad and knowing might help me navigate social situations better. However, I keep thinking: there can’t be another thing wrong with me. I already have anxiety disorder, OCD, and dyslexia. My brain is totally neurodivergent. Do I really need to add something else?
It might help me understand more, but at the same time. I keep thinking. I understand my brain doesn’t think the same as most people think. I get it. I just don’t know what I need to do with it. So, tonight I ask God for guidance. I know that I don’t think like the other human beings. I have known that since I was a child. So I pray please give me some guidance of what I should do with this information.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
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