I started a writing project a few days ago. Problems keep cropping up all over the place. I feel like I am playing a whack-a-mole game. As soon as I fix one of my problems, something else pops up. The weirdest part for me at least is that it’s the same writing project I have done every November for the last three years: write 50,000 words in one month. I know that I can do it. I have done it three times before. And yet, this time even though I have everything going for me, I feel tired and drained. Just when everything should be perfect for me to write better than I ever have, I feel off.
Whenever I have felt this way before, I always think about my metaphor for swimming. If I try to tread water, I can either float and go with the flow or I can kick and paddle exhausting myself trying to keep my head above water. When I try to kick and paddle, that’s when I feel so tired and when everything that can go wrong seems to go wrong. God would tell me that what I need to do is just relax and lay back in the water for a while. Let it hold me up and just float.
I realize as I write that it’s great advice because every other year when I did this type of project, I just wanted to be able to reach that 50,000-word mark. I did it every single time. However, this time, I feel like the number of words isn’t what’s important to me. Getting a certificate on November 30th saying I won doesn’t really matter too much. What does matter is I am working on a story that I really want to write. I want to take everything I have worked on for the last several years and put it into this project. Instead of finishing and having a good quantity, what I really want this year is to have good quality by using everything I have learned. I have the time to focus on that now. It is probably the best time of my life to do it, so like God has been telling me, I need to embrace this time as a blessing. I don’t need to fight life and try to make it work for me, I need to relax into my life and enjoy this experience. I have a feeling that one day this experience will be something special.
I am thankful for my blog and that I always have time to write and reflect on my relationship with God. God helps me to understand and learn about life. He helps me see when I am trying too hard to fight against the current and when I need to just float.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
