I just found out I made a mistake at work. It was a very understandable mistake and there’s no way to go back and change it. The only thing is to correct it now. Considering that this is going to be my last week of work, I really feel like it doesn’t matter that much to me anyway. However, there’s two things at work here that make me contemplate God and the universe.
First, I feel like in my current job I like how many times there were definite answers, but at the same time all those definite answers also called for not making mistakes. What I really want to do is work in the language arts because although there aren’t many definite answers, there’s much more leeway for because able to make mistakes. There’s less pressure to be perfect. Second, I feel like contemplating not making mistakes in the greater scheme of things. I made a mistake at work, but that isn’t going to matter in fifty years. No one will possibly remember the incident. So, even though it’s important now, it is really just like a speck of sand in the Colorado river as it goes through the Grand Canyon. It isn’t enough to really get upset about at all. I find it very difficult to have that perspective sometimes. I think it’s because I grew up in a dysfunctional household. In those households everything is black and white. Either the world is perfect, or everything is wrong. There’s no in between. There are no grays. However, as I have grown, I have learned that the universe is actually quite different. God doesn’t see the world in black and white. He doesn’t really assign value to anything because He doesn’t need to categorize it to understand it. He made it; He understands it. When nothing has value, then there’s no color. Everything just is. There’s no need for Heaven or Hell. There’s no need for punishment or redemption. I’d like to see the world that way. I’d love to understand being accepting of everything and not putting a value on anything. At least for now, I hope that I can learn acceptance and love. I hope that I can understand that mistakes are okay and that every living thing deserves respect because we are all God’s creatures. And I pray that I always remember that I don’t know what God knows about the universe and that if I am going to grow, I should always remember that I am constrained by my limited human brain.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
