I faced my two trials with calm and reminded myself over and over again to remember to approach my life with God’s love and peace. Everything worked out really well. My only obstacle now is sleep. My back hurts from my doctor’s appointment and I can’t seem to relax. I am listening to some relaxation music. However, my insomnia is just making it hard to fall asleep. The ironic part is that my two dogs are lying down near me and they are both in deep sleep. The other weird part is that just a few weeks ago, I couldn’t stay awake and now I can’t fall asleep. I guess anxiety overrules menopause.
I have spent almost all my life with this amazing, beautiful mind that has so many thoughts. It really never stops thinking and creating and pulsing. Even when I’m asleep and I can feel it whirling awake creating it dreams. Sometimes, I wonder what it is like to be like other people. I don’t know exactly how other people think, but sometimes I wonder if there’s a way where it could be easier. A way where I could just for a little while shut off all the thoughts and just be. I know that’s what they suggest in meditation, but even when I do that, it is very difficult to stop all my thoughts and ideas. I pray for God to put peace in my heart, but I guess I also want for peace of mind too. My brain seems to just keep going so strong all the time and with my OCD and paranoia and all the rest, it really is like walking through a forest, but only being able to see a few trees. I know that I’m not seeing the whole picture, but I desperately want to see it and I know the only way to understand my path through the forest is to follow my faith and follow God. So, I pray for peace and God’s guidance.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
