There’s this idea that comes up sometimes. A crazy thought experiment: if you could go back in time and change just one decision you made in your life, what would it be? I’ve made some bad decisions. I’ve wanted to change my life lots of times and didn’t do it, but now looking back, I realize that I don’t want to change anything. I love my life as it is and I wouldn’t want to go in the past and change anything because I’d miss the life I have now. All the failures, bad days, mistakes, and pain led me to this point, and I am thankful for them.
Today, I am at a crossroads, and I find myself wanting to change my life again. Except for the first time in my life, instead of making my life the way that I think everyone else wants it to be, I’m thinking about making my life be the way I want it to be. I found something that feels like it is a part of me. It’s something that I do, not because I want to make money or because I do it for other people, I write because I feel like that’s who I am. And as much as I want to deny the person I am because that’s what my mom did, I look back at my life and I realize that I’ve been doing this all my life. When I was a young girl, a teenager, a college student, all the time, I wanted to write. I have spent half my life practicing writing. I think it’s time for me to finally look in the mirror and recognize who I am. Maybe no one will ever read what I have to say, but does it really matter? Lots of people do what they are meant to do without having the world recognize them. I don’t have to have the world recognize me. God told me that the day, I decided to take this journey. He told me in His own way: this isn’t about you. This is about spreading my message. That day I took a leap of faith to become a messenger of God without even know what the message was. Today, I need to take another leap of faith and believe that I can truly be that messenger, especially now that I know His message.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
