A strange set of circumstances came together into my life in the last thirty-six hours. I could say they were all coincidence, but I don’t believe in that. I always believe that coincidence is the universe trying to tell me something.
First, I prayed to God asking for His guidance in dealing with my elderly aunt even though she isn’t being honest with me and endangering herself with her reckless prideful behavior. Second, I had a medical procedure, and I chose to face it without anti-anxiety meds because I wanted to experience life as I believed God wanted to me experience it. Third, I wanted the movie “Lawerence of Arabia”. In the movie, there’s a certain point where the main character accepts the idea that he isn’t an ordinary man and that he must live up to his destiny, even if it may be a controversial one. Finally, I started to watch the movie “Ben Hur”. I realized that. Even if the stories in the Bible are just stories, most people live their lives cling to illusions and wanting to feel safe because of them. For them, salvation is believe the Bible and/or other religious tenets are truth.
For me, I realized that I am not an ordinary person. I won’t be famous or rich. However, there’s something special about me that I haven’t met in others. I don’t believe I am unique. I know there must be others like me, but I just never have met anyone like me. I was born with the knowledge of God. I believe this with all my heart. I can’t remember not knowing God. If people can remember their past lives, or whatever other crazy things they say they remember, then I know it is possible that I knew God before I was born, all my life, and will continue to know Him after dead. It’s the only thing I do know for certain, and it is something no one will ever be able to take from me. Other people don’t have this. They learn about God from their parents, church, etc. They make decisions about what to believe and why, but I didn’t.
That’s why today when I went to my medical procedure even though I had anxiety symptoms, I knew in my heart I would be okay. It isn’t that I have some psychic ability. I simply trust in God.
I also know that God answers my prayers. Not how I want them answered, but how I need them answered. I texted with my cousin today about getting older and accepting help as I watch “Lawence of Arabia”. I realized that my not being ordinary allows me to be humble. It allows me to willingly give my servitude to God and surrender to Him without worry that I am choosing the wrong path. Knowing how to do that allows me to understand that being strong means allowing yourself to be weak and ask for help. I often forget that I don’t feel or think the same as other people do. I often feel like I am alien to others. My sin is that I forget that they don’t think as I do and when I see people hanging on to their pride in old age or hanging on to the allegories and parables of religion rather than seeing the truth, I lose patience for my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
When I saw the movie “Ben Hur”, I was reminded that the Bible says to have patience and forgiveness in the parable of the sower’s seeds. The movie shows that Jesus had infinite patience for all surrounding Him, even though almost all of them would turn against Him. He knew that they couldn’t yet see the truth of their own actions.
It is like God hitting me over the head with a stick today (which is ironic because I got injections in my head that made in numb). My prayer changed me. It showed me that I need to remember that I think differently than others. I was born with a very special gift of faith in God than very few people receive. I need to have patience and forgiveness for others when they want to cling to the illusions of the world not understanding the truth that God had revealed before us. And I need to remember it isn’t my place to know what their path is. I only can follow my own with total and undying faith.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.