Lately I’ve had a difficult time thinking what I need to write about when it comes to my faith sometimes. I find myself not wanting to think about my past and when I think about my future, I worry about all the things that are coming up. When I put myself in the present, it is very difficult because I feel bombarded by so many things.
I have responsibilities of work and family. I have to prepare for the future, and I have been very busy dealing with my past. Even in my own writing, I have amassed a treasure trove of unfinished works that are all mixed up in my past work that I need to work on in the present so that I can try to publish in the future. I am finding it very difficult to find myself grounded in the present moment.
I want to be there, and I struggle to do so, but I often feel like something pulls me away. It’s the weirdest thing because everything in my life keeps telling me to make things as simple as possible and yet everything seems so complicated.
I wonder if there is a lesson there? When my life isn’t going right, I often find that I am fighting against life. If I go with the flow of life things get better. Maybe if I find life complicated, it’s because of something I am doing. I need to refocus my life and think about what is most important to me.
There’s a writer’s group in town and I was going to the monthly meetings. I haven’t gone in over a year. I thought I should because when I went, I was afraid. However, I’m not afraid to go anymore. I just don’t want to go anymore. The meetings weren’t helpful to me. Everyone was older. I never made any lasting contacts. I felt like I was wasting my time.
I’ve never been great at the whole meeting people and making contact with them. I want to do that, but I haven’t figured it out yet. I just don’t know how I want to do it. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let fear get in my way, but if writing is important to me, then why waste my time with these meetings, when I could be writing?
I pray God will help me with guidance. I feel so much like an alien. I want so much to make connections with people. My husband says I do, but I never feel that way.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
