My struggle with my headache continues. I learned something really special yesterday. The reason that the ten commandments were written on two tablets is to show the duality of our world. The male and female, the good and the evil, etc. God stands between that bridging the two tablets. That’s because God is androgynous and andromorphic. I know I write all the time about God being my Father and I always refer to Him as a male. However, I only do that because that’s my vision for God. I truly believe that this entity or force out there that wants to communicate with me in very subtle ways wants me to see it as a father figure, even if I know that this entity isn’t male or human in form.
The idea that the two tablets represent the dualities and God stands between them is exactly as I have written that God transcendence all dualities, values, and judgements. The part that gets to me is that so few people understand what that really means. There are so many people who want to be given the Word of God through the Bible and have it spoon fed to them without really understanding what it really means. There are so many people who want to live their lives and they don’t really ask deep philosophical questions about the meaning and purpose of life because it just never occurs to them.
When I realize that situation, it really does makes me feel alien. I don’t feel like I belong with the rest of the herd. While everyone else is going left, I am going right. And I really can’t help it. There’s no way a three-year-old girl could understand the concept of God the way I did and yet, that was inside of me. It has colored my life because just living and having the same lifestyle as everyone else hasn’t been what I wanted or needed.
I never really cared about gaining anything of the worldly achievements or accomplishments. What I really want is to achieve the spiritual heights. I want to be able to see my life the way that God sees it. I want to be able to love the way God loves. I want to be able to use that love in a way that glorifies God and how He created us. I am so thankful for every moment of this life and I just want to make it meaningful in a way that I understand and more importantly in a way that God understands. I could have all the fame, fortune, and possessions in the world, and it wouldn’t matter. However, if I could learn to live my life in God’s love and with His love in my heart always, then I would have achieved more than my greatest hopes and dreams. Nothing lasts everything fades to ashes at some point or another, but the love that we have in our lives and pass on through humanity is the only thing that survives. That love in my life is the greatest commodity that I will ever produce.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
