I don’t know if it is because it is the Christmas season or if it is right before the beginning of the new year, but there are all these commercials on TV right now for weight loss programs and weight loss supplements. It has made me think about my own weight loss journey. When I turned forty, I join weight watchers and I lost around seventy-five to eight pounds. Almost a decade has passed and I am still tracking my food, I am still on the program, and I have kept most of the weight off.
I don’t know that the statistics are for being able to do what I have done, but I know that I have done something that is difficult to do. I think the reason I have been able to do it is because I have an eating disorder. I don’t have anything extreme, but there’s an aspect of my OCD that makes eating a challenge.
I don’t like eating in front of other people. I don’t like seeing other people eat. I feel like eating should be something that is as private as going to the bathroom (and I realize most people don’t feel that way.) However, my biggest problem is if given the choice I would eat the exact same food every day at the same time every day for years at a time. It isn’t that I don’t like variety in food; I just enjoy the comfort of eating the same food at the time more.
I also realize that if I eat the exact same food all the time, it isn’t good for me. I am thankful that I have a husband that helps me to bring variety to my diet. If I did eat the same food all the time, my body wouldn’t get the balanced nutrition that it needs. That’s why I know that I have a mild eating disorder. I am irrationally drawn to eat in a way that is unhealthy for me.
Having this eating disorder has actually worked to my advantage when it comes to weight loss. I find that I can be very regimented in my eating habits and it makes me feel good. It gives me a sense of comfort. I know that part of the reason I have stay with the eating program so long and have continued the eating habit for so long is because it gives me a sense of comfort to do so. It satisfies my OCD sense of wanting to feel like the world is familiar.
I have almost everything I have eaten in the last ten years. Now, I feel like there’s something wrong if I don’t track my food. I feel a sense of anxiety and like something is wrong if I don’t do it. Although it has been an advantage for me, it can also be a monster boiling underneath the surface. It isn’t advantageous for me to have a panic attack when I realize that I didn’t track my lunch one day.
I am finding that just like with life. I need to find balance with food. I can’t go to extremes or else my mind and body will not be healthy. However, if I find a balance in my habits and the foods I eat, then I can maintain a healthy weight and I can also manage my OCD. It is like walking on a balance beam. I am going to have some struggles. I might even fall and have to get back up, but God’s with me and I’ll be able to keep going. I know I will, I have faith I can do it.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
