In one of my favorite movies, they talk about not letting your emotions get out of your control and learning to control your emotions. I understood that to mean when you were in the middle of a fight with another person, you needed to stay calm and control your emotions because if you lost control, then you were more likely to make a mistake and lose the fight. This advice is very important in situations like sword fighting. However, I could imagine that it could be used in all kinds of situations. In sports, not getting too excited could help the athlete perform better.
It was until yesterday that I realized that this idea could be applied to my entire life. I always thought it was unrealistic to control your emotions. My parents tried for years to keep me from feeling my emotions. They threatened me with physical violence and would verbally abuse me when I showed emotion. I don’t show emotion like most people. My emotional reactions are muted because I suffer from PTSD due to their abuse. I have emotional reactions, but my reactions aren’t what most people would have. (I personally am scared to death to be interrogated by police because they wouldn’t have a clue about what to think of me.)
I learned yesterday that it isn’t that I shouldn’t have emotions; I just need to control them. I need to be able to not let my emotional reactions cause me to hurt or injure those people around me. It all comes from the idea that I can’t control anything in this world except for myself.
I may not be the most amazing person in the world, the smartest, most beautiful, etc., but if I could practice and learn to control my emotions, then every day when I interact with my brother and sisters in Christ, I could be more peaceful and loving. I could find a way to see myself and others the way that God sees us. Instead of seeing the world through eyes colored with anger or fear, I could see with eyes that look at the world the way God does or at least I could try.
Every time I find a new way to see and open my eyes just a little more, I am really awe struck at how miraculous the world is.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
