I found myself contemplating paradoxes today. The biggest one on my mind of late is that finding real freedom, I had to surrender myself to God. He gave me freewill, just so that I could surrender it to Him. And yet, that somehow makes sense.
Right now, someone I know isn’t making sense. He seems to be very angry with me and doesn’t want to communicate with me. Everything inside of me wants to respond with the same negative energy I am feeling in this situation. Yet I am trying my best to be understanding and loving, even though I struggle to do it.
What God wants for me is usually exactly what I need, but so often it is a struggle for me because I don’t know His plan. I have all these desires, fears, expectations, and delusions about the world. I struggle all the time. It isn’t easy to do what I am asked, but I am finding if I just trust in God then it will be okay. More often than not, what I find is that if I trust God and follow then the struggle gets easier.
I’ve been trying to see the light of God within others. It’s really difficult to do, but the more I try, the easier it gets. I have a feeling that after a few decades of practice, I might get good at it. I hope I will. Until then, I will continue to keep trying. I have a feeling that God appreciates it when I try even if I don’t succeed all the time.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.