I watched a game show today. They asked a question: Name something you want but time is running out. People answered things like a fabulous vacation, having lots of money, having kids, etc. However, I noticed that no one answered the question with my answer. The one thing that I really want, the one thing that I believe I have been striving for is self-actualization or the ability to see myself the way that God sees me. If I could attain that peace of mind, then everything else wouldn’t really matter.
I have thought about the idea of having fame and money. If God gave me those blessings, I would gladly accept them. However, I realize that I don’t need them to be happy. I don’t need accomplishments, material possessions, power, or attention to feel like my life is meaningful. Sometimes, I wish I did. My life would be so much easier if I were like everyone else. I would be able to live my life in a way that is similar to most people. I could follow the road that is traveled by most. Yet, I haven’t been able to do that. I never could and in a way, it has been a blessing. I don’t know what God’s plan is for me, but I feel like He opened my eyes as soon as I was born. I’ve been trying to understand ever since.
Today, I was driving to a doctor’s appointment early in the morning. As I drove, I saw the sun rising in the east. I remembered that the ancients would equate the rising sun with God the Father because the sun is the giver of life. For a moment, as I saw the sun rise, I felt this strong connection seeing the sun rise and feeling in my heart the thankfulness for the rising sun as giver of life. It wasn’t just being thankful for the rising sun though. It was feeling this connection to all the living things past, present, and future who look to the rising sun as a symbol of life. I felt like I was a part of something bigger than myself. It felt good.
I have heard people describing a similar type of feeling taking psychedelic drugs, but for me, I feel like it’s amazing to be fully present and feel it on my own. I want to be able to feel that type of feel more and more. I want to be able to feel God in my life and to feel the love He wants me to feel for Him, for myself, and for my brothers and sisters in Christ more. Those feelings and experiences are more important to me than all the other things that people listed in the game show question. I’d love to be like everyone else, but if anyone could feel that feeling I felt when I saw the sun rise, then I think they would understand why I value communion with God above worldly desires.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
