I have been listening to relationship shows and they talk about the idea of falling in love versus choosing to love someone. As I listened today, I realized that for me, those two things aren’t opposites. My faith journey and my love journey with my husband and intertwined and I know that my faith journey isn’t one or the other, it is both. When I was a little girl, I didn’t know anything about God, no one had taught me anything, I didn’t know church doctrine, dogma, or philosophy. All I knew was there is a God and He loves me. It’s all I need to know to have faith. That’s like falling in love. A feeling deep inside of me that I know, and that feeling is so real and so deep, it becomes a part of me and who I am. Then, the real world comes in. I grew up. I had trials, sorrows, struggles. I learned about God, religion, philosophy, etc. My relationship with God grew and changed and even to this day that relationship continues to grow and change. Every day, I have a choice to make and every day I choose God. I can’t imagine living without Him, even though there’s been times of struggle and there will be more, I know that I will continue to choose Him. And that’s what I promised on my wedding day, too. I made a promise to God and to my husband that whatever good or bad things came in life, I would continue to choose my husband every single day.
Feeling this amazing feeling deep inside is great and it feels like a miracle to experience that, but that feeling can become familiar. And after a while, it is easy to take that feeling for granted. And I guess because of my OCD and constantly having these worst-case scenarios going through my head, I realize that I don’t want to let those feelings become familiar. If I see it as just a feeling that happens, then I can’t really control it and I can lose it, but if I realize that I have control over myself, then I know I can be mindful of my feelings, not take them for granted, and chose God and the union with God and my husband every day.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
