I read something today that reminded me about my mother dying. I had a weird understanding about both my parents this week. First, I have been adamant about not wanting to retire ever because I didn’t want to be like my parents who seemed to just be sitting around waiting to die the last few years of their lives. Then, this week I realized that my dad didn’t. My dad wasn’t like me in several ways. He didn’t like going on adventures or really going out at all. He was a homebody. His idea of a fun day was gardening and then sitting out on a porch watching the weather change before his eyes. He really enjoyed that. I don’t really understand that because my mind is constantly working and thinking deep thoughts, but he did. Once I saw the last few years of his life from his perspective, I realized that he wasn’t just sitting around waiting to die. He was enjoying the last few years of his life. He had been working for over fifty years and he just wanted to take it easy. The situation is a great lesson for me to be able to see that my experience of life doesn’t have to be what other people experience. Everyone gets something different out of the gift God has given us. There’s no reason to compare. I shouldn’t ever judge anyone else’s experience. It is theirs to experience just like my life is my own.
The second understanding I came to is that I feel like in so many books, stories, and movies, people want to write about people resolving their issues with their mothers, but very few people ever write about a mom like mine. With my mom, there would never be a resolution. She would never understand. The only true resolution was my forgiving her for whatever pain I felt, accepting her for the way she was, and understanding that she loved me as best she could. Sometimes, the happiest ending isn’t a resolution it’s accepting what God has given you and trusting in Him.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
