I found myself driving home from the office today. Lately, I haven’t had much peace in my heart. I’ve been worried about the future and thinking too much about the past. I wrote yesterday about trying to find that peace by finding myself living in a single moment in time.
As I drove home, I stopped thinking about anything other than the exact moment where I was driving home. I didn’t think at all about the past, not even what had happened in the last hour. I didn’t think about the future, not even what I needed to do when I arrived home. I had no worries and no cares. The only situation on my mind was driving my car to my house. As I drove, I felt my muscles relax. I also felt a peace come over my mind and heart. I didn’t have to be anywhere. I didn’t have to answer to anyone. For that short time, it felt like time stopped and I had a little getaway from the world.
It is so weird that when I was in my twenties, I would feel so awful that I wanted to be able to just crawl into a cave and escape from the world. Now that I am older, I don’t want to escape from the world, most of the time, but at least I know how to do it the healthy way. I know that there’s a way to get away from being too much in the world. I know there’s a way to stop fighting the flow of the world when it seems to be going against me. There’s always a way to find my path in this world. All I need to do is pray and God will guide me.
I don’t want to sound like someone who is eternally optimistic. God isn’t on hold just waiting to answer my prayers as soon as I need help. It doesn’t work that way. Prayer is about opening myself up to God and opening my eyes to be able to see what is already there. Prayer doesn’t change God; prayer changes me. It always drives me crazy when someone gets upset and says that God didn’t answer their prayer. If God doesn’t answer one of my prayers, then I keep praying. I keep praying until I feel a change inside of me. He might give me amazing signs and He might make miracles happen, but when I pray, I mostly pray for His will to be done and I ask for Him to give me peace with living with His will and not mine. It’s the same prayer that Jesus prayed at the garden before the Passion.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
