Last night, I had one of those nightmare scenarios play out in my head. My husband had gone inside of the grocery store and would be back in just a few minutes. During that time, I kept having the same thought of someone coming up to the car and trying to carjack it, but because of my slow response they hurt me or maybe even murdered me. It was only a few minutes, but over and over again, like a pulsing inside of my head, I kept hearing a rattling of the door handle and someone screaming at me, and the thought of my life just leaving my body. When my husband came back to the car, the noise made me jump in my seat.
That OCD thought got me thinking about my past. I thought about the little girl I used to be going to elementary school or the high school student, the young adult, or even the newly married woman. All thought people that I had been are still a part of who I am now, but in a very real sense they are gone. Whatever physical makeup that little girl was isn’t the same body I have now. In fact, whatever my newly married body was isn’t the same body I have now. People contemplate death and what happens to us afterward, but we are dying all the time, aren’t we? At least our bodies are. Whatever physically makes up my body right now isn’t going to be around in a few years. Will I even be the same person? Does it really matter?
Somehow, I think I am connected to the life that makes up all the bodies my spirit lives within each of them and even if my body dies, my spirit somehow still is part of something else.
I read that the human image is a microcosm for the universe. There’s something about me that still exists even if my physical body dies off and regenerates, until my body finally dies. However, if I look at the universe, there’s some life spirit that exist and its passed from one human to another over and over a billion times and it just keeps going. It will keep going until all life stops. My point is that if I exist beyond my physical body throughout my life, then we exist together. We have a lifeforce and it is an eternal life that just keeps going.
There’s no reason to be afraid of death because I’ve already had many parts of myself die already. There’s no reason to be afraid of the past, present, or the future because we are eternal if we accept that we are all brothers and sisters from the same one life source.
It’s so strange to think that in my lifetime, I see people fighting wars, creating groups, and hating each other, because when I see people, I see that God created all of us and we all came from the same life. How could I hate my own hand? How could I hate a part of myself? It just doesn’t make sense.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
