I had a bad day yesterday and got a migraine. By the time I remembered to write my post, I was in bed and half asleep. I decided to wait until today. I went to see my doctor yesterday. While I was there, she kept me waiting a long time and I had a bad panic attack. She asked me about seeing a therapist. I told her I had seen one, but there wasn’t anything left, and I was doing okay. The truth is I don’t know if therapy would help. I think my life is unconventional and that a therapist wouldn’t really know how to deal with me. After all, who wants to feel pain and panic? I’m scared that if I told a doctor that I am starting to think all the meds are just avoidance, then they would think I am going a little nuts. Yet in the last few years, it feels like that’s exactly what I am finding. I stopped taking meds in the hope that I could face my fears and I have. I found out that they weren’t so bad. I found out that facing life and living it isn’t so bad, especially if God is with me. There’s nothing that I can’t face without God. So, when she asks if I need a therapist, right now, I really don’t know. I’m still trying to figure it out on my own with God’s help.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
