I’ve had this idea in my head, and I keep thinking about it since I have OCD. It’s somewhat simple and yet incredibly complex. I am one person representing many times in my life. There’s something essential about me that remains and connects me throughout my lifetime. Then, there’s this idea that a human is just a representation of the larger universe. So, instead of thinking of me and a lifetime, I expand it to all humans across the expanse of all time. There’s a life force that connects us all that makes us the same. It explains why we have symbols and stories in common. It explains our collective unconscious. Even though we aren’t connected in mind, body, and spirit, every living being is connected because we come from the same life.
Somehow we tend to miss that important lesson. Last night, as I was driving home with my husband from a Christmas event, I was looking online for a Christmas present for my brother. I have to admit that I couldn’t find anything because I didn’t want to admit that I was holding on to resentful feelings from the last time I saw him. When I finally did, my husband told me that I should let those feelings and thoughts go. It’s very difficult for me to do that because of the OCD. However, what I find is that the more I learn about how we are all connected, the more I understand the futility of hate, fear, and anger and the more I understand the command to love others as I would myself.
There’s a part in the Bible where we are taught that when we don’t treat others with love we aren’t treating God with love. Whatever you do to the least of my children, you do unto me. I’m starting to see that we are one on a very deep level. When I show hate, anger, or fear toward others, I’m not just showing it to God or my brothers and sisters in Christ, I am doing it to myself in a very real way.
I spent my early twenties wrestling with horrible guilt, hurt, and anger over hurting myself. I still feel today that out of all the things I have ever done in my life hurting myself is probably the worst sin I have ever committed. Yet now when I have my eyes open to this connection, I realize that every time I act in anger, fear, or pain toward someone else, I am truly hurting myself as well. I should know better than that. I should know how bad it hurts when I hurt myself. I’m not going to eliminate my sinful behavior. I’m not going to be able to become a perfect person. However, I hope and pray that this understanding will help me to become a kinder person with more patience and understanding for others.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
