I read a Facebook post by an author today. He was really upset because one of his Facebook “friends” had called him a sociopath because he wrote some really horrific horror novels. He said that he didn’t think the person was being malicious, but that it wasn’t right to discuss his mental health. He is right; his books aren’t who he is.
However, this post isn’t about his story; it is about mine. I suffer from OCD and anxiety and his post really got to me. I just wrote yesterday that the more I write and put that writing out into the world, I am going to be putting a part of myself into the world. There’s opportunity there for miracles to happen, but I can’t ignore that the world is a harsh place. People, especially in the age of social media, will voice their opinions about anything and anyone, even when those opinions are hurtful and unfounded.
I think maybe I have an advantage in this situation. I lived with a mother who lied about me all the time. She gaslighted me about who I was to others and to myself. One of the greatest days of my life was when I realized that I can’t control her behavior. There’s nothing I can do about her opinion of me and if she chooses to lie about me, there’s nothing I can do about that either. I know who I am and that’s all that matters.
The day I realized that I felt this amazing sense of freedom. I didn’t care what anyone else thought about me. My own mother hated me and thought I was a horrible person, who could say anything worse than that?
Deep inside my heart, I know who I am and no one can touch that with the words that they say. God know my true self and nothing anyone says will ever change the way He sees me. All the words and opinions that people will say won’t mean a drop in the ocean of what God’s love is to me. I have faith in that. Now, I pray that God give me the strength to put this attitude into practice.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
