Yesterday I continued writing on my novel project for the month of November. I had a very difficult day. In the back of my mind all day, I kept fearing that my mind and body would just be too stressed out and exhausted by the end of the day to be able write the section that I wanted to write. When I sat down to write, I didn’t let any of my fears get in the way, I just wrote.
As I wrote, I found myself writing about what I thought was the scariest thing I have ever described. I wrote about someone staring into the face of death. I wrote about being on a precipice and facing the abyss. It’s so strange to me that at any moment my life could completely change everything I know could be taken away. My OCD tells me that I wouldn’t be able to get through it. I would fall apart and crumble. My mind would just break into a thousand little pieces. Yet there’s a spirit self inside of me that knows God. Just knows. It’s where my faith begins and why it can’t be destroyed. That part of me knows God is all around me. He never leaves and that part of me knows that through everything I won’t fall because even if I do He will catch me and lift me up. He’s done that for me before. He won’t abandon me.
I have never stood on a precipice and had to face an abyss, but I know it’s inevitable that one day I will. One day I will lose everything I know. On that day, I pray that I have nothing to fear because God is always with me.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
