I shared a very personal thought with my husband on Saturday. It was a thought that I was scared to share with anyone because I thought if anyone found out about it, they would think less of me. However, I decided to share it with my husband because I knew that I could share anything with him, and he would accept me no matter what I told him.
The problem arose when he turned around and told a couple of our relatives what I said on Sunday. It was a breach of my trust. After all, how can you share the most intimate parts of yourself with someone when that person will share those parts of you without giving it a second thought? And it wasn’t the first time he has done something like that to me. I knew I would have one of those moments, when I looked at the person lying in bed next to me and wonder: who the hell did I marry? I think this incident made me ask that question.
My answer is that it all comes down to faith. Either this man has been completely different than what I thought he was for over twenty-four years or he isn’t perfect and makes stupid mistakes sometimes. It doesn’t make sense for someone to spend years and years investing in a marriage and building a life with me to just be someone else. Instead, it makes total sense for him to be imperfect and make mistakes. I have the utmost faith in him and even when he is imperfect, I can’t doubt his love for me. Even if he hurts me, I know he would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. I know him and my question about who I married is answered by faith in the one person that I vowed to love for the rest of my life. He is the one person bound to me by God.
This teaches me about how God sees me. He knows who I am and He loves me. He knows I am imperfect, and I make mistakes, but it doesn’t change how He loves me. It doesn’t change how He is there for me or His ability to forgive me. Even if I hurt Him or disappoint Him, He knows I have faith in Him. I thank God every day for my husband, and I thank God every day for my faith.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
