I have been contemplating issues about end of life, self-awareness, and the spirit. Today everything just sort of came together for me. I guess I always thought that God gave us free will and that somehow made us His special children. Yet, in a way every living thing makes choices. The real difference is we are aware of ourselves and the choices that we make. The problem with that is that I think sometimes we are smarter than we actually are. Having the ability to understand morality and ethics doesn’t make us capable of judging others or even truly understanding right and wrong. It’s ironic that the story calls it the tree with the forbidden fruit, the tree of knowledge when it wasn’t truth or understanding, it was just self-awareness.
So then, I think about end of life decisions and it’s difficult to consider how it all works. I can’t consider taking a life because only God should decide when a human beings life ends, but what does that really mean? I have euthanized several of my pets. I eat meat all the time. I eat plants all the time. I know that in my life, I have been a part of other life being ended. I wonder how I am not a hypocrite. And I think it is because of the nature of self-awareness. I would gladly live in pain and suffer because I understand faith and God’s plan, but I don’t want to force a pet of mine to do the same when they can’t understand what is happening to them or why. I can understand killing plants and animals for food because it is part of the life cycle. If I had to actually kill an animal for food, I think I would do it, but it would be very very difficult. The problem for me comes when I consider people who have brain injury or other diseases. People who have lost that self-awareness. My problem is this: If it were me, what if I was still self-aware somewhere deep inside the mind? What if I still knew somehow and just couldn’t communicate? How do I know that the person isn’t lost somewhere inside? I don’t. The scariest thing I can think of is being lost in darkness and not being able to find a way to light.
That leads me to the last thing: the spirit. I believe that because we were given a special gift that we understand more about our life that the other living things in creation. We aren’t God’s chosen ones or special creations. We are the ones that are His servants. We here to learn and find meaning in this life. Instead of just being, like an animal would, we are here to understand the higher purpose to it all. At least, I hope that I can. I believe everything, every object, every living thing, every person has a energy and spirit to it, however beyond that I believe all higher beings have a spirit given to them created by God and it connects them to everyone. That spirit goes beyond the body, beyond time, and beyond space. If I meditate well, I can feel how I am connected to every person who ever lived, is living, and who will ever live. My heart fills with so much love because I am a part of this life force that God created and I am so thankful to just be a part of it. I know that whatever happens in my life and beyond my death nothing can change my part in this chain and because of that everything will be alright. God will always be with me and love will never die.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
