I remember a day when I was in my early twenties. I felt like I had a moment of clarity. I thought I had the answer to all my problems. My life felt totally messed up because I always wanted everything to be perfect and I never could reach that perfection. It was all my fault and I had to find some way to fix it.
Looking back, I see so much of my mother’s influence on that moment of so-called clarity. Today, I was working on a home project. I knew I wasn’t going to finish it today. I did worry about that. I am having migraine pain due to barometric pressure changes. It’s taken me around thirty years, but I’ve learned something very important: everything that happens in the world, even some things that directly affect my life, aren’t in my control and they aren’t my fault. The best thing I can do with the life God gave me is experience it and more forward. If I mess up, then that doesn’t mean that the game’s over and I should just give up. It means that I should learn from my mistakes and keep going on. Even when I have a panic attack, when I feel like the world is tumbling down on me, the headline is God isn’t going to let the sky come crashing down on me. I just have to keep breathing and find my way to the next second and then the next minute, and then the next hour. And if anyone tells me it isn’t possible, I know for me it is. I have experienced the miracle over and over. When darkness fell over me and it seems like I could go on, countless times guide has guided me from the darkness and into the light.
I have to admit sometimes it takes faith to believe it’s going to happen, but after all this time, it’s easy to believe in the miracle when it is has happened so many times. I know I can trust in God.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
