Yesterday, when we took our dog to be put to sleep, I felt this tightness and pain in my chest. It’s the same feeling of anxiety that I get when I have an anxiety attack. I had been feeling it for months every time I saw her in pain or when she would be restless going around the house panting, not being able to sit still because of itching, pain, or whatever else was bothering her. My husband and I would do what we could to help her, but often, especially towards the end, even the remedies just made her more uncomfortable. As I felt that pain in my chest, I realized that I was doing the best thing because it wouldn’t hurt so much if it was the easy choice.
Today, my heart hurts from grief and loss, but the tightness is gone. I feel a sense of relief knowing that she is finally at peace, no longer searching and pacing trying to find comfort. I took a short drive to the post office today and as I did; I contemplated that idea of feeling that tightness in my chest. So often in life, we don’t want to feel the uncomfortable things like sorrow and pain, but those things are part of the life experience. When I let myself feel those feelings, I know that I am alive and I experience what I need to feel.
When I feel that tightness and pain in my chest, it feels uncomfortable. I’ve never had a heart attack, but I could imagine that it is a similar feeling. Yet, I know that it’s my body’s way of telling me to pay attention to this moment. Feel this moment because it’s important. This moment will make a difference in your journey. Yesterday, when I finally listened to the cue that my body was giving me, I found some peace in what I had to do.
It’s a strange coincidence that I have been reading about the relationship among the material self, the thinking self, and the spiritual self. Sometimes it seems like the spiritual self is trying so hard to break away and free itself from the material world, but when I have experiences like the one yesterday, I realize that there’s a balance among the three. Sometimes my body can know more than my mind or my spirit. And yes, one day that body will die, but I’m sure that when that happens, God has a plan for me.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all our hearts.
