For Christmas, my boss treated the office and our families to a concert. We went this afternoon and it was really wonderful, but at the same time for me, it was a challenge. I hadn’t been to a big event with lots of people since the pandemic started. Big events like this one were a challenge even before the pandemic. As soon as we got there, I found myself struggling.

Being around that many people felt difficult. It made my heart beat faster. More than that, I felt like I was being crushed. Whatever energy I feel from one person, I was getting from hundreds of people all at the same time. It felt scary because it was an overwhelming feeling of all this life energy all coming at me at the same time. Then, the concert started at it was worse.

The concert had this beautiful amazing laser light show. It was great, except it was an overload for my visual sense. Then, the concert had beautiful music except it was really loud and was an overload for my auditory sense. Finally, the music was so loud that I not only could hear it, but I also felt it. I wasn’t just listening to music, I was being physically pounded by the sound wave vibrations.

I wanted to run away screaming because it was just too much. Yet as all this energy was pounding my senses, I heard a voice inside of my head telling me to not fight the experience. I just kept thinking the more I fought it, the worse it would be. So, I tried to imagine being out on a body of water and floating. I didn’t expect it to be easy or comfortable; I just wanted to tread “water” somehow. I found myself trying to find aspect of the experience to focus in on and trying my best to let myself embrace the experience knowing that God would never give me more than what I could handle.

I found myself trying to be mindful about my experience. No matter how it felt, I wanted to let myself be in that moment. It wasn’t easy. It was a struggle, but I took that leap of faith. I faced that challenge knowing that God was there beside me.

I know that I am going to have to face more experience like this one that cause me anxiety. I know when I do it is going to be a struggle and sometimes I will fail miserably. However, I am going to keep trying because I want to experience life and everything it has to offer. I am grateful to God for the gift of life and I know that He will always be with me when I face these challenges. I may have anxiety about these experiences, but with God at my side, I have nothing to fear.

My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.