I sat with my rescue beagle today. I think my husband and I are going to end her suffering soon. I couldn’t help but look her in the eyes and wish that she could tell me what she wanted, but she wasn’t talking. Then, I closed my eyes and felt the energy coming off of her. Maybe it was all in my mind. I’m not sure, but as I sat with my eyes closed, I kept thinking that she was in pain. A little while later my other dog came up and I petted her and it just didn’t feel the same.
The whole situation made me think about this pendulum my mom bought me for fun. It’s a board that is sort of like a Ouija board except instead of using a planchet you hold a pendulum above it and the way the pendulum swings gives you answers. I’ve used it a few times. I really think that since I am the one holding the pendulum that the slightest movement of my arm or hand could cause the swings to go in a certain direction and that it is entirely possible that my own subconscious that guides that direction of the swings. And even if that is true, it’s a great way to figure out what I really want if I am unsure about a decision.
The weird thing is that I hardly ever use it. In fact, I don’t even think about it. My mother also gave me a crystal ball. I have tarot cards. I have all kinds of devices and aids that help with divining the spiritual to reveal answers to all kinds of things. Yet, I don’t.
The easiest explanation is that I am lazy, but if I was lazy that I wouldn’t being writing a blog. The second explanation I have is that I am faithful. What I mean is that there’s people who always want to know the answer. They want to know how it works, what the meaning is, and they need an answer to all their questions. I think my husband might be one of those. I have a cousin who claims to be able to have psychic powers and it gives her a sense of superiority. I think sometimes people like to feel special and having special powers that other people don’t have makes them feel good. I don’t need to know the answers. I don’t need to feel special. I am able to accept that I am one of billions of God’s children. There’s nothing special about me, except that He loves me just like everyone else. I as an individual am loved by God and a few select people, but I am also part of something greater than that as well. My spirits and love is part of a huge universe that goes beyond time, space, and anything that I could ever imagine. Me as a individual is as insignificant as a grain of sand next to the Grand Canyon and that’s okay as long as I am part of it. I don’t need to know how I am part of it. I don’t need to know the mechanics of it or the meaning. I’ve known God all my life. I will trust in His plan for me and I know that I don’t need to know the plan.
So, why would I want to use a device or special power to get more clues about life? I’d rather just put in all in God’s hands. And that’s how I feel about my dog. Last night, I prayed for God to let me love her as I would myself.
I keep seeing all these parallels between us. I suffer from chronic pain and I am paying more attention the last few days. I see her. I know that when I feel like I have been in pain a long time, it’s difficult to rest. I get agitated, I feel like no one listens, I cry, and then I have to take meds, and get rest. I see her getting agitated and howling in pain. I give her doggie calming pills and she gets rest. The only difference is she is a dog, and I am human.
As a human, I can understand the pain. I can work through it. I can understand that pain that last for months isn’t going to last forever. I can learn to manage pain in lots of different ways with prayer, meditation, medications, and pain management treatments. She doesn’t have those options. She must be exhausted at this point, going through it all alone, trying to cry out for help, and only getting minimal relief. Every day, it just gets a little worse.
I’d never kill myself, but I have a choice. I can be in pain and understand that God would never let me hurt more than I can handle. I can endure more than I could ever imagine knowing that God willing never abandon me. She cannot make that same choice. She is only a creature of God.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
