I found myself listening to a documentary about wrestling today. At the end there was a point where the entire crowd was driven by excitement into yelling and chanting one of the wrestlers’ names over and over again. I found that situation fascinating, but at the same time, I knew that I would never be a part of something like that.
I see examples all the time of how human beings feel like they want to be part of a group. If everyone is dancing together, most people want to join the dance. If everyone is clapping, then most people want to join in and clap with everyone else. There’s something inside of me that doesn’t want to join in. When most people want to join in and do what everyone else is doing, I have a pathological need to not do what everyone else is doing.
If everyone else is shouting the wrestler’s name, then that is the last thing I would want to do. I don’t know why. Maybe I am a sociopath. I would like to think it is something else. When people do what everyone else is doing, they stop thinking for themselves. They give up control over their own behavior. That’s why people will do things they normally wouldn’t do in a mob. For me, I believe that I don’t control anything, but my own behavior. I can’t give up the one thing I have control over just to be like everyone else or to feel a sense of community or belonging. I’ve never felt like I belonged anyway. I’m not going to start trying to belong now.
I only want to be me. I only want to act on my own impulses. I don’t need to belong to any group. I never did. One of the worst things we ever did as human beings was to find divisions among ourselves based on our differences. We kill each other over it. Did we not learn anything from the story of Babylon?
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
