I heard a part of a TV show today where a character gets a traffic ticket for running a red light. It caused something in my brain to put some connections together because I suddenly remembered that for months, I have been having some recurring dreams.
The dreams are always the same. I am driving. I don’t really know where I am going or why. As I am driving, I need to stop at several stop lights. Every time I need to stop, I press the brake pedal, but it doesn’t work very well and my car slides into the intersection. Some of the time it’s okay. Other times it’s almost useless and I find myself just continuing because I have completely passed the intersection. I keep telling myself in my head that I need to watch the traffic lights closer, and I need to do a better job of stopping, but each time I come to another stop light, it happens again.
I looked up what it means. Most of what I found said that not being able to control a car in your dreams means a feeling of not being in control in your life and an impending loss. I guess that fits my life in the last few months.
I have to deal with the loss of my mother and although I didn’t think it would mean very much, that loss is turning out to be a significant change in my life. In addition, there is the aftermath of dealing with her estate. Although there isn’t much, I have had to deal with her house and I can’t do it alone, I have to do it with my brother. I don’t have control there.
Recently, my husband was in a car accident. That situation just proved once again that many aspects of life aren’t in my control. I am having to deal with a great amount of stress and the very real idea that the only thing I can really control is my own behavior.
So, I guess it isn’t what challenges life presents to me, but how I act when I try to live through those challenges. It sort of fits my dreams. I don’t feel totally out of control in the dream. I keep driving and I keep trying to work on my braking and getting better at stopping at the traffic lights. So, maybe there’s more to the dreams than just the surface interpretation. My dreams aren’t about having trouble stopping at traffic lights, that’s too easy an interpretation. My dreams are about my not giving up trying to stop at traffic lights. I don’t give up and stop driving. I don’t break down in tears thinking I can’t do it. Instead, I keep driving and hoping that everything will be okay. I keep believing that I can get it right. Isn’t that what faith is all about?
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
