On Thursday night, I found something amazing because I had three massive panic attacks in a hospital emergency room. It felt horrible and I wasn’t really okay, but I knew that I would be okay because of my faith. I knew that through faith I could handle the pain and anxiety symptoms in a way that I never thought I could before in my life.
If I were to write a book about my life, I would be able to find the point where the anxiety attacks felt insurmountable and compare them to last Thursday night. It would be a wonderful story of growth and how faith saved my life.
I have been waiting patiently to find this idea and these points in my life so that I would be able to write this story and share it with others. I should be happy and feel energized by the experience, but instead I’m tired. My body has been through a traumatic experience feeling the fight or flight response for over nine hours. I just feel completely spent of energy.
I guess that’s what life is like. Everyone expects these huge moments where everything changes and there’s huge swelling music and it’s all dramatic. However, life isn’t like the movies. The most life changing moments in my life didn’t happen with huge bangs, but with whispers. I was in a car by myself when I made a promise to God to change my life for him. No one was around, just me and God. When my husband asked me to marry him and we pledged our lives to each other, we were alone in a trailer. No one was there, except him, me, and God. The biggest life changing moments of my life didn’t happen in front of people. I didn’t have to share them with anyone on social media or even shout them from the rooftops. They made a difference to me because that’s life.
So, yes, on Thursday night, I was amazed at the miracle of faith and how it literally changed my heart. Maybe someday I can share that story with the world, but for now I know even in my tired state that faith can move mountains, faith can create miracles, and faith can change my stupid little life.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our lives.
