There are some very rare instances when it feels like God is talking to me directly, but it happened today, and it was a little scary. I find it scary because I’m not always certain that it’s God. I know that it could very easily be a deception.
Last night I had a conversation with my husband about religion. After all I have been learning, it’s difficult to realize that most people take the Bible literally when the more I learn the more I know it is allegory filled with symbolism. I recounted for my husband the passage right after the parable with the Sower’s seeds where the apostles ask Jesus why He spoke to the people in parables, and He told the apostles that most people were ready for Him to speak to them the way that He spoke to the apostles. He had to speak to them in parable hoping that some would accept His message. I told my husband that I realized that I had to accept that maybe it is all in God’s plan that millions of people believe that the Bible is literal.
Then today, as I dressed, I thought about talking to my aunt and realized that much of the time the conversation was one way. She didn’t want to really hear what I had to say, she only wanted to talk. I thought about talking to others and the same thing was true to a lesser extent. Many people don’t mind talking to you as long as you stay within their comfort zone, but as soon as you go outside of their comfort zone or begin to challenge their beliefs, they stop listening and shut down. Talking about epistemology frightens most people, even though millions of people loved the movie “The Matrix.”
I am so thankful that I found my husband because I can talk to him about anything, and he doesn’t shut down. It doesn’t frighten him when I try to talk to him about my own belief system and what challenges I am facing with my faith.
As I stood getting dressed wondering “How do I ever share God’s message with people who can’t and won’t hear it?”. I felt like I heard a voice in my head. The voice reminded me to tell them the message in stories or parables because they can’t or won’t hear the message any other way.
I took this crazy leap of faith believing myself to be God’s messenger without exactly knowing why or what message He wanted me to send. I started learning how to write. I even changed the direction of my writing journey a few times, but today it feels like I got another message to help me on my way. And it’s beautiful and miraculous all at the same time.
The most amazing part is just a few days ago, I felt like I wanted to retreat and now I feel like this sign tells me that I’m okay, I’m on the right path, and I should keep trying. God is listening and He is with me always.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
