Today has been a bad day because I feel like my chest is being compressed and at the same time, I feel like my brain is being squeezed. Neither one of the sensations hurts very much, but both sensations feel like torture after a while. Anything little sensation feels horrible.
I have invited my elderly aunt into my home, and it has been trying, but today, it was unbearable. She seems to be totally self-centered and doesn’t understand that when I am trying to work at home, I need to concentrate. I have been trying to be understanding. However, today when I started to feel like every sound was like nails on a chalkboard, I just got up and left the house.
I went for a drive. There’s a piece of Texas Hill Country not far from where I live. I went there and just drove. I didn’t worry about what time it was. I didn’t think about why I was feeling bad or what was waiting for me when I went home. I just put myself in the moment and drove on the highway. I turned the radio up high so I could feel the beat of the music. The road was nice and curvy. Every time it curved; I felt the centrifugal force against my body. Everything for just a while felt like a wonderful escape from the pressure on my body and mind.
I am still feeling the symptoms, but for a couple of hours, I got away from it all and had a break. I feel like I should have more patience. Maybe I could, but at the same time, I feel like I should have a break. There’s a really good chance that a have a very slow leak of cerebral spinal fluid that has gone undetected. It is very uncomfortable and painful. As much as I try to have patience and understanding for others, it is a challenge. The whole situation makes me wonder how Job maintained his composure.
All I can say is I’m trying. I’m failing at the moment, but I just pray and ask for God’s help. What else can I do when my brain is being slowly squeezed?
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
