I have been participating in a writer’s group through Facebook and it has been a really good experience. Recently, there has been a weekly post where we are encouraged to share our progress with our writing projects. The only problem is that some writers have used it to berate themselves for not being able to do enough. The purpose of that post isn’t for that. The purpose of the post is just to share how we are doing with each other. It is for accountability.
I guess it is sort of like WW. When each week, there’s a weigh in. It really doesn’t help to berate myself if I don’t lose weight or even if I gain weight. The point is to see what work I have been doing and to talk about what successes I have had. In this group, even if I didn’t write anything, it really doesn’t matter because whatever I am doing is what I can share with the group. I don’t have any reason to put myself down.
This past week, I didn’t write. I didn’t check Facebook. I hardly worked at my regular job. I had a horrible cluster migraine. I was stressed out by my family situation. I am continuing to have horrible stress related symptoms. The craziest symptoms keep coming up, like my digestive system isn’t working right and my gums are getting irritated and bleeding profusely. I keep having all these physical symptoms because my body is totally rebelling against the stress I am under. It is almost like my body is forcing me to do what is emotionally healthy or else it is going to fall apart.
When I shared with the group this week about my progress this week. I shared exactly what happened. I told them that I didn’t do anything. I took time off for myself. I said that I was finally starting to feel better today. I discovered that it is a good idea to take time for self-care sometimes. When I think about God, it all comes down to loving others as I would love myself. I need to love myself. As crazy as it may seem, when my body goes haywire, it really is my body’s way of saying that I need to take care of myself. In the current situation, I keep thinking that I need to take care of my elderly mother, but my physical symptoms are all telling me that as the plane goes down, I need to put the oxygen mask over my mouth before I can help anyone else. In other words, I have to care for myself before I can help anyone else. I have to love myself before I can show love or caring to anyone else. And sadly, in this care, I have to protect myself. I cannot let myself be hurt just for the sake of being hurt. My purpose on this earth isn’t to be in pain and I am sorry that I ever let my mother convince me that it was.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
