I find myself considering the Serenity prayer much of the day today. My elderly aunt won’t stop washing dishes even though I am not finished using them. She keeps asking me when I am going to eat even though I eat at exactly the same time every single day. I have clients who don’t seem to understand what I write to them in email and so they ask me questions when I have already given them the answer. Finally, I called a customer support line and for some weird reason the guy asked me to repeat myself over and over again. When I did, he hung up on me.
It has been one of those days when everything feels out of alignment. When I feel like I am fighting to tread water instead of just floating. I feel tired. I wonder about what’s going on with me. Then, I finally finish my work, and I notice that I feel like I have a vice over my temples.
I have been reading about ancient mysteries. The ancients knew that this physical world wasn’t all there is. They understood that there’s a spiritual world, a mental world, and something else, a plane that goes beyond our understanding something only God really understands. Yet, when they describe the universe, they try to explain how all these worlds interact with each other in harmony.
I think I’m not very good at giving the physical world its due. I never have been. I’m not good at sports or anything else physical. I can’t paint, sculpt, or work with my hands. What I see in my mind never manifests itself physically.
And then, last night I had a dream, I had a restroom accident and had soiled myself. In the dream, all I wanted was to find a restroom to clean myself and yet everywhere I looked the restrooms were occupied. I believe the dream is about feeling helpless over my body and more so the material world. I have had the dream of wanting to find a restroom and not being able to find one several times lately. I feel scared and embarrassed.
I think maybe I need to realize that my physical body is just as important as the rest of me at least as long as I am alive. God made my body and He doesn’t make mistakes, right? I’m not great at listening to the cues that my body gives me when I am in pain or when something is bothering me. I often just ignore my body and think I can be tough and wait until later. However, if I love others as I love myself, then it goes the other way around, too. I would never tell someone else to ignore pain and try to be tough. So, I ask God today to please help me to find the Serenity to know when to pay attention to my body and when I can do things to help myself and to know when I can’t.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
