I have had a cluster migraine for a little over a week. It feel like it is never going to go away, but I know it will. The only certainty in life is that it is always changing. If I just wait long enough I will get through this difficult period and I also know that God will be with me through it all. However, it doesn’t change the reality of the pain I am experiencing right now in this very moment.
I was talking to my husband earlier today. I told him that there was an element to this pain that I thought only he could understand. At the point, I am experiencing moments of high intense anxiety almost like an anxiety attack. The only thing is I know that these moments are brought on because I have been experiencing intense pain for an extended period of time. I guess someone who never experienced trauma may not understand, but those who have might. It is sort of like over taxing my nervous system, stimulating it with a pain signal for a long time until it just goes haywire. That’s what happens with PTSD as far as I know, the person’s nervous system is so taxed by trauma that it just goes haywire. I have PTSD myself and experience the symptoms.
When this intense anxiety comes up for me, it is really difficult because it really does feel like it is going to last forever and it really does feel like the world is coming to an end. I know I could take anti-anxiety meds to help. I know I could do meditations and other relaxation exercises to deal with it. However, within the last few years, I have decided to take a totally different approach. When that intense anxiety hits me, I hold on to it and picture myself embracing that feeling with open arms. I tell whoever is around me exactly how I am feeling. I let myself notice the pain, the shaking, the elevated heart rate, etc. I realize that it is all my body’s reaction to stress that is occurring in the present moment or stress that happened in the past. I relax into the feeling like I would relax into a body of water if I were trying to float. The strangest thing is that the less I try to calm down, the faster I seem to calm down. It’s ironic in the best sense.
I can’t say what’s the best way to deal with anxiety for anyone else. I can’t say that this way will always work for me. In fact, I know that I can’t do this every time. I’m not perfect. I will fall and stumble, but I am trying my best to try to embrace the life and the pain I am experiencing and make the best of it. I pray that is what I am meant to do with the anxiety.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
