My mom’s dog attacked me, biting my hands in a few places and making them bleed. She did this attack because I tried to stop her from eating one of my dog’s food, and because after she bit me I tried to put her in a crate. I am feeling upset because I knew this situation wouldn’t work from the beginning.
Then last night, my husband said something that made me look at everything from a different perspective. He said that the dog was a reflection of my mother. All of our dogs are very calm and secure, but that’s because my husband and I treat them with calm energy, and we give them pack leadership. They feel loved and cared for in our home.
I knew that in my mother’s house she wasn’t taking care of the dog. She could barely walk. She didn’t potty train the dog. She didn’t train the dog at all. She gave the dog literally thousands of stuffed toys that weren’t safe for dogs and were meant for children. She didn’t give the dog attention except to give it a toy or smother it so much that the dog didn’t want to be held. She didn’t even care to give it dog food, she would only feed it chicken and so the poor thing never got proper nutrition. Worst of all, the dog started to growl and bite, and my mother didn’t correct the dog. My mom thought it was funny and just let it happen. She had scratches and bite marks on her hands, but no one noticed except for me.
When I really think about it, she hurt that dog the same way she hurt me. She couldn’t understand that the dog wasn’t separate from her. She believed that whatever she did that made her feel good was also good for the dog. She never considered the dog apart from herself. She never thought about what was best for the dog; all she cared about was what she wanted. Now, there’s a poor little dog that is insecure, angry, and thinks that the only way to deal with anything is to scratch and bite.
Everyone else sees a cute little dog, but all I see is the hurt my mother caused. That’s why when I look at this dog all I feel is negative feelings. She is a reminder of all the pain and hurt my mother caused and I know that it isn’t the dog’s fault, but I don’t think anyone can expect me to be able to just forget about everything. PTSD doesn’t get cured overnight not even for a dog’s sake.
I pray that God can forgive me for not being able to work through this fast enough to take care of this dog. Yet at the same time, I know that there’s a reason for everything and that everything works out in God’s time. Maybe I’m not supposed to be ready yet and I still need time to deal with my relationship with my mother. Maybe this little dog attacking me is supposed to teach me that I don’t have to be perfect.
There’s one last part that I need to admit that no one else wants to say. One of my mom’s last wishes was for me to take this dog. She knew I didn’t like the dog. I told her every chance I got, but she insisted that I should like the dog and she insisted that I should take care of it after she died. She wouldn’t listen to me, or what was best for me. This dog was her final way of trying to control me. I just don’t want to be controlled anymore. Right or wrong I don’t want her to keep forcing her will into my life. Maybe I’m wrong, but if God wants me to be appreciative for the gift of life that He gave to me, then shouldn’t that gift belong to me and not my abusive mother?
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
