We gave my mom’s dog to a family friend. There’s a part of me that feels like I failed to be there for this animal in need, but I also realized that to believe that makes it about me and it’s not about me. That’s something I have been having a difficult time doing because although it’s not about me, my hands are the ones that are hurting from being bitten.
Everyone I talked to said that the dog must have been under stress from losing my mom and then moving to another house. The problem is I don’t think the dog really grieved my mom. My mom might have given her tons of toys, but that’s all she gave her. I know what it’s like to have someone give you tons of gifts but act so inconsistently that you never know what you are going to get from them. That dog never knew if she was going to be loved, totally ignored, or yelled at for no good reason. I think she didn’t really like it at our house. It wasn’t a good place for her.
Just like my mom tried to control me and make me love the dog, she also tried to control the dog and make it love me. The dog didn’t like to be controlled either. It is never a good idea to try to use people and animals like pawns on a chess board, especially from the grave. It doesn’t work.
I could tell the dog was going to be happier when she left. Her tail was wagging, and her spirit seemed lighter as she went away from my house. I didn’t fail her because I didn’t try to force the situation. I wanted what was best for her.
The whole situation makes me think about God. My mom tried so hard to control me and all she did was make me want to get away from her. Everything she wanted me to do and to be wasn’t anything I was interested in doing because I didn’t want to be controlled. I didn’t want to be her doll. I didn’t want to be her puppet. When it comes to God, He loves me enough not to treat me that way. He gives me this amazing gift of freewill. He lets me decide what I am going to do with this life He gave me. He does it because He truly loves me. Love isn’t about control; it’s about letting go and surrender. When I let go and freely surrender myself to God, that is love.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
