One of my mom’s favorite things to do was send people on guilt trips. She would say she had a bad experience because of something someone did and because of that she wouldn’t ever do that again. For example, “I had a such a bad time at the restaurant, I am never ever going out to eat again.” Or, “If I am such a burden, I am never ever going to ask you for anything ever again.”
The problem with these proclamations is they are all about black and white thinking. Either everything is okay, or nothing is okay. The world doesn’t work that way and you really shouldn’t treat people that way. God is forgiving. He doesn’t just throw you away because of one misstep the way my mother would.
I never realized it until today, but growing up with someone like that taught me to endure and to be strong. I am not someone who breaks as soon as things go wrong. I don’t fold when I get hurt or when I feel pain. I thought everyone was like me, but I’m starting to realize that there are many people out there like my mother who have the black and white all or nothing thinking. Sometimes when life is too challenging, these people don’t see the way out. They don’t know that even if they can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel if they just keep walking, they will find their way into the light. When faced with darkness, they believe that is the “new normal”.
For me, I never wanted to believe that. I couldn’t. Somewhere deep inside me, I knew to keep going on. In my life, I have had days when I didn’t know how to get to the next moment. I didn’t know how to breathe or live, but I did. God didn’t abandon me. I know without a doubt that He won’t. Maybe that’s the difference. When faced with darkness, I always have light within me. Even when I can’t see it, I know it’s there.
I write to share God’s message. I write to let my brothers and sisters know we aren’t alone. I hope that I can share with others that it’s the truth, we aren’t alone. Even in darkness there’s light.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
