I saw a video today of a car accident. It made me remember a day several years ago. I was feeling very anxious and driving recklessly. The car started to lose control. It went to the left and then to the right, but then I got it under control. I felt like I was lucky. I had been driving a SUV and SUVs are prone to roll over when they lose control the way I had. Somehow, even though the conditions were possible for a roll over, I escaped a horrible fate.
Yesterday, I wrote about accepting God’s ability for creation. I wrote that He doesn’t make mistakes. On that day, I wonder did God save me? Did my freewill and driving abilities save me? Does it really matter? God doesn’t make mistakes.
I worry about bad things happening all the time, but I worry because I was trained by my mother to worry. I worry because I have OCD and all these worst-case scenarios are always playing through my head. The truth is that I believe that it is another one of those transcendence things. It isn’t that I have free will or my fate is already decided. I believe that when God sees me, He transcends that duality. Free will and fate become one. I have free will, but God’s plan is already set as well. He can intervene, guide, and be there. His presence is a very real thing. If He didn’t have the power of creation, then there wouldn’t be a point to prayer or to life.
So, what about evil? I don’t know. I wish that bad horrible things didn’t happen, but I can’t know big picture. All I can do is trust: God doesn’t make mistakes. I worry about the worst case. I get upset and feel anxious. It’s my nature, but like the psalm says as I walk through this world, I shall not fear because I know God is with me.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
