I have been thinking about my writing, other projects around the house, trips that my husband and I have planned this year, and projects for work. I realize that if I can’t sit down and finish something in one sitting and just get it done, then it really stresses me out. I get nervous thinking about a trip that is a month away and knowing that I can’t do anything about it because it’s in the future.
I think I just don’t do well with these things because I feel like if I can’t control something, then it is going to go wrong. Worse, I think if I can’t finish something right now, then it will never get done. It feels too overwhelming.
I believe this comes from my family. I grew up with this black and white thinking. I felt like I was programmed to believe that it was all or nothing. Either everything was great or it was awful. There was no in between.
Except there’s tons of grey in life. Everything blends together. And even when things go wrong, it isn’t the end of the world. More importantly, if I obsess about the future or past, I won’t enjoy or be present in the moment. I won’t honor my life right now. How can anyone be thankful for right now when they are worried about what’s going to happen a month from now?
So, I ask God to help me understand that everything will be okay. With God at my side, even if everything falls apart, I’ll fill a way to get through it. I need to stop worrying about it and just be thankful for this moment. I’m not great at doing that, but I’m trying. God know I’m trying.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.