The other day I wrote about being worried about events that were coming up in the future. I felt like I wasn’t honoring God because when I worry about the future I don’t live in the present. Today, I started to think about when I have panic attacks and how they are so much worse because of the same type of worries.
I don’t know what happens with the chemicals in the brain when someone panics, but I feel like I am going to feel that way forever. It becomes difficult for me to even think that my life could be any other way than the moment I am feeling at that time. And I guess it might be the fight or flight response. When my ancestors had to either fight the animal attacking them or flee from the animal attacking them, I would imagine that they had to have laser focus and be totally in that moment. Their concentration couldn’t wander for even a second because it could mean the difference between life and death. I mean if a wild animal was chasing me, I would want to stop and wonder if I turned off the oven because I think the thought might distract me and slow me down. So maybe, when someone panics, all the focus goes to that moment, and it is difficult to imagine or conceive anything outside of that panic.
Yet, I think that is what I found I needed to do. When I found myself in panic, I had to find God and get myself outside of that moment so that I could understand time wasn’t standing still. Once I could face that, I knew that whatever I did need to face would never be as bad as what I imagined.
I suffer from migraine headaches. I have to admit sometimes the pain feels so bad that I think it’s unbearable. However, the one saving grace for me is knowing that even if I don’t do anything at all, the pain won’t stay the same. It might get worse or it might get better, but it will change. Knowing that change is coming allows me to put myself in God’s hands and hope.
I wish I could share that knowledge with anyone and everyone who suffers from anxiety. I know it feels like it is going to last forever and because of that you want to do everything you can to make it feel better, but when you fight against yourself its like a drowning man trying to tread water, but if you just let go, then you’ll float. It’s like taking a leap of faith. The biggest one you’ll ever take in your life and it isn’t easy, but it isn’t as bad as you think it is. Nothing ever is at least that’s what I hope.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
