I talked to a doctor today and I am having a cluster migraine. This particular migraine is a sharp pain all around my left eye and it is even causing some tearing from the left eye, which is unusual because I have dry eyes and my eyes don’t easily produce tears. At the same time, my mom is sick in the hospital. I am worried and concerned, but I don’t feel the level of involvement I think I should. I just stopped caring that way a long time ago.
It’s the oxygen masks scenario. The plane is going down and if I am going to be able to do anything, I have to put the oxygen mask on myself before I put it on my mom. If I just keep ignoring the headache and not caring for myself, I will just make it worse and then I will be in the ER and she’ll be in the hospital.
Before this situation would have caused me so much anxiety. I would have been thinking I was the worst daughter in the world. How could I leave her alone in a hospital? The truth is no matter what I do she is going to say that I am the worst daughter in the world. She is going to tell everyone how horrible I am. There’s nothing I can do about it. It is something I can’t control. The only thing I can control is me. So, here I am taking care of myself and trying to be as supportive of my mother as I can. I know that I am doing my best and I know that God sees that. I don’t care what anyone else thinks.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
