Today I find myself feeling upset about some things with work and feeling guilty about not working enough hours while my husband is working so much. I talked to my husband about it today and he told me that I shouldn’t feel guilty. He feels like I am an equal partner in our marriage. Then, I look at the work situation. It has been bothering me for a long time, but it is the same thing over and over again. I want things to be different and I can’t control it. My choice is to accept the situation as it is or to find a different job. My other choice is to accept the situation as it is and use the extra time I have to find a different job. I am seriously considering that option today.
I realize that I want my life to be all that I could dream it to be and all that I could imagine it to be. Yet at the same time, I am afraid of change and failure. I went back to school when I was around forty-four years old with a dream of changing my life and becoming someone completely different. I took some risks in that time and I have stumbled in my ways, but I have also accomplished a lot, I have found a job I love, I have obtained a Master’s degree, and I have written a entire novel. What’s missing now is that I need to keep moving forward and I have to admit that any change for me is scary.
I watched a documentary about this fighter. He had so much confidence because he said he already had everything he needed to make everything he wanted happen. I listened to him and admired his state of mind. I wished that I could be like him and have the same faith that he did. Then, I remember that God says if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, then you can move mountains. Maybe I need to start trusting God more and believe it.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
