I thought about how the way I grew up has colored my view of the world. I live a paranoid life because I was taught to believe that the world is a scary place. I can’t change the past and I really can’t change the thoughts that have been programmed into my brain for years. However, knowing that I think this way can change everything.
When I started this journey, it only took a few months for me to start changing my perspective on life. I found myself embracing experiences, even the difficult ones and the ones that scared me. I decided to see the light of God in people even the people who weren’t all that nice to me. Now, I think I can change again. I may not be able to stop the thoughts that tell me to be afraid of the world, but I can learn to ignore or dismiss them the same way I know that the OCD thoughts don’t really mean anything.
I’ve been watching people all my life and wondering why they aren’t afraid. I didn’t understand why they didn’t have the same anxieties that I did. I felt envious of the freedom of self that they displayed as they went through the world. Now, I am starting to realize that all this time, I was the one bogged down by anxieties that I just didn’t know that I had, and I didn’t know how I could let go of them.
There’s a song that I have heard in Spanish asking God “Open my eyes, Lord”. I feel sometimes like my life has been a series of experiences where my eyes are opened again and again to the truth. Maybe life is full of illusions and part of living is trying to find the truth. I am just excited about what I’ll find when I look at the world with a new set of open eyes.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
