Today, at my mom’s funeral, the reading of the gospel said that Jesus spoke. He said that we didn’t need to know the way to God because Jesus was the way, the truth, and the light. No one could go to God, except through Him. I really wonder what that means. After all, what if the historical Jesus didn’t even exist? Maybe this part of the Bible was written in a way to just so that the Christian church could say that they were the only true church?
It could be that, but also Jesus is God here on Earth. He shows us so much of what our relationship with God could and should be like. He is a great example and teacher for us all. And when He says that He is the way, the truth, and the light, I think He means that He is God and the Son of God, and the spirit of God. Anyone who seeks God will find what they are looking for.
That leads me to my mom. Everyone just wants to remember her laughter and joy. They just want to remember the appearance she put on because that was the only part that she ever let them see. I saw that part of her, but I also saw a part of her that was filled with fear and self-doubt. I saw someone who gave lip service to faith and trust but didn’t really believe in those things because it was too difficult. When I try to remember her, I remember some of worst things a mother could ever say to her child. And I pray, cry, and scream looking to God for answers.
As we drove to the funeral, I found a little peace. I believe God transcends dualities. With God, good and evil become one and there is no distinction, creation and destruction are the same, there’s no heaven or hell, time and space don’t matter. God exist on a whole different level that we just can’t understand. We just have to trust His plan and have faith. My mom was full of dualities. She would be laughing and full of joy one minute and then crying and in pain the next. She would be full of life on day and the next day telling me how much she wanted to die. She was one way with everyone else and completely different with me. She is finally in a place where she will transcend the dualities, where she makes sense. I don’t need to understand why God let me see so many sides of her, I just need to trust that she was part of His plan. I just need to trust that He created her perfectly. I forgive. I respect. I honor. I love. Not because she deserves it, because He asks me to have faith. It’s a struggle, especially now, but I will do it for the love of God I will do as He commands.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
