I have thought a lot about how I want to remember my mother after she is gone. I don’t want to be the person who lies and paints a picture with rose-colored glasses. I don’t think I could do it even if I tried. However, when I think about it, my experience was mine and mine alone.
Several years ago, my mother got angry with me. I don’t even know why. When I would come to visit, she would go into her office and blare mariachi music so loud that she couldn’t hear anything. She wouldn’t talk to me for six months. Later, she would “gaslight” the whole experience saying I didn’t talk to her, but that is beside the point. During that time, I visited with my father and asked him about it. He refused to talk about it with me saying it was between the two of us. I couldn’t understand at the time because if there was anyone who knew how difficult my mother could be it was my father. It was possible that my dad didn’t want to deal with confrontation. However, it is also possible that my dad didn’t feel like he had the right to get in the middle of our relationship.
My mother was a different person to many different people. I have to understand that for many other people whoever she was, she wasn’t that person for me. I don’t need to destroy anyone’s memory of her just because she was my mother. There’s no reason to do that.
I am also learning a very important lesson in this situation. There’s many dualities in life that are very difficult for me to accept that when God transcends them, there’s no difference anymore. The creator becomes the destroyer. The real becomes the unreal. The good becomes the evil. This lesson has taught me that the truth is real, but it is relative. So, there’s little difference between the truth and a lie. The truth becomes a lie when the dualities transcend.
And so, even if she wasn’t the best mother, she was one of God’s children and she be remembered as such. Not for the pain and hurt that she caused, but for the laughter and joy she brought to others. I have no reason or right to destroy that. In the coming days, I will try my best to honor her memory that way.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
